image source: 028-ohlsson (i do hope this lovely image does not offend anyone. i have wanted to use it for a long time. i love it, and felt it a perfect match for my words)...
I bequeath my soul To seas and shores Where once whispered I love you's! were met with I love you too's! On winds now hollowed with distant and melancholy memories
I bequeath my soul To rains To shadows To trees swaying in the breeze
I bequeath my soul To rapids fast and furious To mountain streams To desert lands
I bequeath my soul To music that speaks to your soul and reminds you, of me and my love for you.
I bequeath my soul To your children
and know that I have seen them and they are beautiful.
I bequeath my soul To sunsets To sunrises
To everything in between
I bequeath my soul To all good and right rituals near and far
*in memory of my Mother; my Angel, whose wings took flight through the Veil, 38 years ago today.
somehow, it felt right to write this from what might be, her perspective.
...and to all of those beautiful souls who journey home and yet somehow leave behind fragments of their soul, and their love that we will always treasure.
Quite awhile ago, several blogger friends were composing gratitude and meme lists. Listing those things that are held dear to each of them. I have finally composed my list...so here it is. i wish it were in its entirety, but that would take up a lot of space. I'd be here all day...
Things I Love and am Grateful for...
at the very top: my Children and my Family... and Being in love! and with that said, the remainder of the list goes on in NO particular order.
the rain,
thunderstorms,
country churches,
the breeze when it crosses my face or the face of a lover,
when a man i love touches my face, this wickedly reminds me of the scene from 'The Way We Were' when Barbra Streisand (Katie) brushes her gloved hand to move Robert Redford (Hubbell's) hair. i die a little, each time i see that. the sound of children's laughter, the joy of seeing a child read their first words and learn to fall in love with books, the reciprocated love and joy my pup Oliver and I share, having my own home, kissing a man i love, being kissed by a man i love. that feeling that tells you, oh yes, i'm in love, you know that feeling of butterflies and i can't wait to be near him; the hunger, the longing. holding a man i love, being able to look at him and know inside the incredible love i have for him, but also knowing what a deep sense of respect and pride, i have as well. Loving the fact that I get to be with (him). How lucky am I? Not many people can say that, and to me you know you're in a good place when you have that sense of being proud of 'who' your partner is, and he has the same feelings about you. books and the truly magical world they open up. art, painting, sculpting, writing, music, poetry, literature
philosophy, & all things metaphysical and mystical...
sunsets
the beach
when the Sun streams through the clouds
photography ~ (i own numerous camera's ). a great film a great performance by a talented actor/actress
a great movie soundtrack fresh, crisp high-thread count sheets the scents of lavender and vanilla combined ~ heavenly bubble baths spiced pair, green apple spice or cinnamon scents or candles. a great cup of coffee going barefoot acoustic guitar the cello road trips with a spontaneous flair, example: let's see where the road takes us... great conversations
flowers and gardening an intelligent man, a man with a sense of humor to die for! (that should also be at the top) after being in LOVE, but then again, that's usually the 'quality' that puts me over-the-edge for him. a man who knows how to cherish and loves to be cherished in return. the smell of the dryer running, especially when it hits the air outside (strange i know, but i love that!) i could just stand there and inhale it. okay this one is strange also, but i love the smell of gas while pumping gasoline at the gas station. (don't worry, i inhale in moderation ;-) tomato and Hellman's mayonnaise sandwiches. homemade guacamole and salsa, sushi and avocado veggie rolls with wasabi sauce (i could live on those). mashed potatoes with homemade gravy. (okay, that's enough of food stuff because i could go on and on). being so exhausted you just crash in the deepest way into an incredibly fabulous nap, preferably while swaying in a hammock. even more preferred, in a hammock for two! Jeep Wranglers my favourite season of Autumn. there is no other time when i feel more ME, that's part of what the season does for me, tho i can't even put it into words. All of my friends and neighbors, big & small (they are the best ever!) Golden Retrievers. especially Emma & Jenny my neighbors dogs, they're sisters. New England, my heaven, my home away from home. If I could be there full-time, I think I'd relocate. Horses. panoramic views Simplicity. food again, cheesecake, carrot cake, oh shoot me before i go on... ~ I love a great many things and I have learned a long time ago, to be grateful, to thank God for all these things in my life, both big and small. I honor each one of them...Honestly, this list could go on and on and there are things and people who come into my life on a regular basis and I simply have no choice but to become, even more grateful.
how is it this particular feeling can quicken the pulse while sending stops & starts of pain within the heart region?
seemingly out of nowhere causing tears to well in burning eyes with a sting so fierce!
what is spirit asking? telling? wanting? probing? i want to sleep, that is what i say. i just want to sleep.
until this passes…
overwhelmed jaw taute hurting with a cry dying from the deepest region begging release!
i hold it back though this face hurts contorts where does this begin? where does this end? i asked you not to come i said this heart needed a rest you defied and came uninvited wishes unheard!
fragments of a sad destitute dream remembered from weeks ago why do you reappear? the hurt, the angst the confusion
i know this will pass and i will once again regain composure
perhaps answers will never come as to why?
why? this mood comes to pass my countenance changed altered disheveled it shades, while this body is hurled into the fetal position from whence it came it returns
take back all of it! give back to this heart its required shelter its comfort no pain
stop ~ go away, i say! i bleed i dream repetitive in nature a cycle a turn that comes goes comes back yet again
strike! take your turn and then leave… i declare sanity! in an insane world
i, summoned came forth only to be left standing without a cause…
there I stood enveloped in darkness tangled in threads that weaved such memories of you, and of us
at once, a spotlight shone and circled my form highlighting imprints left of black & white and every shade of grey in between.
messages, words:
why do you stand there my child? why has your light turned cold? and dim?
those questions inaudibly received… those answers inaudibly sent…
my child you are of this Light! you need not dwell in darkness for your light is vibrant and essential and radiates a warmth that those close to you feel, live and breathe.
this is the purpose of light to bathe to soothe to reflect to guide to give Hope to uplift...
please child let your Light return. i sent you for a reason and a purpose be strong in that knowing S H I N E O N !
…as we planned …as we set forth as your charted course.
S H I N E O N !
and know there will be moments where sadness or feelings of defeat will come nevertheless, you are YOU, and YOU are strong and will always RISE ABOVE.
because YOU are one of my children and i treasure and adore you…
she's untitled & just a portion of the painting 11 x 14 oil on canvas
pondering him...a close-up version...12 x 16 oil on canvas
a peek of a special project...a rather large 30" x 30" project...this is only a fraction...
I have been creating WIP's like a crazed woman. I do have my moments...;) I work on several pieces at a time as I wait for the oil paints to dry and because I lack in patience. So I begin another piece. It's how I work. These were created while listening to Keith Urban. I rarely listen to country music, but I love him and 'Stupid Boy'...well, I just love to crank that song!
it takes hold of your breath your heart catches, races you then find yourself body & soul in a deep, deep sigh…
love, love is pain and beauty all at once
what are we without both? for we would never know what it’s like to feel, to breathe, to truly be alive, ah, but the pain, the scars they bleed; they filter over into everyday life. as much as we try to conceal, they are there…
at times, the pain catches in your throat strangling your words, your thoughts your mind…
it is like a war within fight to love! love to love! and be loved!
at times, love ~ so intoxicating!
right or wrong? we love right or wrong? i look at you through divine eyes and love with same…
eyes that do not judge i can only love
and allow your love to tear down my walls both seen and unseen
how can this love be wrong? this cannot be wrong and if I truly love with divine eyes then those eyes see nothing but love no barriers just truths love – the pureness of
no matter where this love takes us…
i will always love you.
because when we love, we just do. it is just the way it is…
try to explain to your heart, to mine that we love? it needs no explanation it just is…
...it is easy to allow love to capture us fighting it is insanity for love takes hold
crimson light furled and unfurled rolls across the horizon beating blood red pulse of the Sun himself.
comes full, rests for the night taken over by Moon herself yet, shared this night one far east one far west synergistic motions as each professed salutations
Brother Sun Sister Moon
have you enjoyed your day? your night? as i have, as i am
beauty in daybreak beauty in nightfall
~
oh, if we only knew, what they collectively 'see' in a given day a given night? oh, how we would pray.
