wanting to know more...

the experience of him

being near him

brought whispers

of a love of past

and inklings of a future love

to feel known

and to feel from him

the desire, to be known more fully

a lovely feeling, indeed!

she thought she knew him

but discovered, and pleasantly so

that he was so much more

than what she thought,

imagined.

this seemed impossible (though she knows that nothing is impossible).

for he was already upon a pedestal in her mind

she thought to herself, "how can this be?" ...

"he's fantastic"...

"i want to know more"...

...

knowing others on the deepest level

is her way and also his

so the two shall meet

magnify their qualities

share

grow as two,

stronger than one...

wanting to know someone

inside and out

that drive

that force

that says, I MUST know more

...

he searches every inch of her

his need as great as hers

this is the way it should be

he sees things in her that

delight and surprise

for he also thought he knew her

but together

there is something
new,
magnified,
brilliant...

oh, the joy they will share getting to know MORE...

©
2009

image source: relationships_seduction

Calli...sort of...

Calli ~ Self-Portrait
11 x 14 ~ acrylic on canvas

This was an attempt at a self-portrait. Honestly, I find it very
difficult to paint my own likeness. I can capture certain features or aspects of myself
whether it be a feeling, or an emotion, but to be exact...No! but here she is, one of
a handful of recent attempts...



I have also done several rough sketches in preparation of the publication...here are a few...
this is the sketch prior to the painting in a recent post titled: in Her element ~ see a couple posts down...

sketch/underpainting


the stages of...



I have this thing about photographing my paintings from different angles, must be that photographer's eye, the way I see things...this is also how I like to photograph people...


the world in her eyes...i liked this one as i have a chunk of green colour in my left eye...

The sketch/underpainting eventually turned out to be the published self-portrait. This painting went through many changes from beginning to end and I photographed every stage. I love to look back and realize the changes that took place during the making of...someday, I may make that into a video or slide show.

click the link on the upper right of my page or in the next post to view the
final portrait!

a sneak peek at my latest WIP


as always ~ thanks for viewing!
©
2009

the essence of...

wanting him
needing,
desiring with a hunger, that defies logic.

how can one man be
so symbolic of the gods
and have such persuasive power?
charisma?
and... not even know it
he's enchanting,
intoxicating!
he breathes life
into my heart...
my soul...
my mind...

he sweeps through me and
creates in me a flame
an inextinguishable burning flame.
a passion unsurpassed
infused with an
energy to rival that of Olympians

he brings this to me and more...

what is it exactly?
if it could be named
i would
if it would be bottled
i could
and drink it up
have my fill
but would i ever feel
i've had enough?
i think not!
this brand of hunger
cannot be satisfied,
this hunger, an intensely
animal desire to be with him.
to have him near.

what is it?

elusive in nature, his essence,
inexplicable
yet
loving.
deeply.
deeply loving.
not at all contrived
it's simply his way.

i am confused by the urgency felt,
this need to know
is he my Garden of Eden?
or my Camelot?

such mysteries exist, but
to taunt?
to tease?
yet only for those of us
who demand answers,
explanations as to why
do we feel such unease

the only thing i know
is that he arrived like a whisper
a soft, knowing, gallant whisper.

perhaps, just to be
is the way
the only way

i am humbled by this silence, this lesson.
i need to let go
of the need to know
and

just let it be...
HIS essence elusive to me...

©
2009

image source: oh for the fun of it, a pic of Gerard Butler, just because i can! ;)and please note this is NOT written about Gerard Butler, his photo just suited this post!

over the edge...

had i come to this, gently?
ah, no! on the contrary,
i came to this

beginning with a wicked, whirlwind of a crush
a heart that raced, beat with the rhythm of a Spanish guitar
and weakened knees


over the edge, and made useless by love
embroiled in a passion that has yet to
to be expressed...though my mind has lived
that passion a thousand times...
a thousand ways...

OVER THE EDGE

©
2009
image source: Over_the_edge_by_energyphoto

what lies before her...

what lies before her?

a fork in the road
...a right
a left...
turns, curves

does she diverge to that left
or to that right

or does she create her own new, fresh,
uncharted path?

she can
she has free-will
she has freedom to choose

will she choose him?
or another?
or her Self as the path...

selfish, no
at times she needs to make herself priority
she needs to tread lightly
slowly
yet have in the present moment
a shining glimmer of hope
for her beautiful future.
she knows that manifesting
takes time.
she knows the beauty of
what she experiences in the present
was created in her past.

it's only getting better!
she is making sure of that.

she works with the Divine
in creating her existence

she desires love.
love is what she is made of
she wants to share that
she will share that
she can wait
she knows that when the
soul wants
the soul waits...

she will have everything
she needs
when the time is right

she has that power
to create

it's in her hands
and create she will...


©
2009


image source: What Lies Before Her ~ (older) painting by Calli

a stranglehold...

falling bodies
landing in a crypt
of broken hearts
of wants not satisfied
of needs not realized

where have you gone?
you were here
or were you just
an apparition
dust in the wimpering winds...

(an awakening)
(an awakening)

impassioned pleas
be with me...
take me with you...
a stranglehold on my heart
befalls my existence

as steeples rise and fall
as the mist vapors come and go
leaving an encasement
a shell
behind
colourless
wishing to be born

trials
tribulations
when all that is wanted
is freedom gained
granted
taken

caged love
forsaken love
unrequited love
forgotten love
disdainful love

shadow me no longer
tear this cloak
shred it to the winds
flight take me now
for i wish to soar
on skies of cerulean blue
skies of blackened soot
do not suit my soul
with their shades of grey
not even the Moon
recognizes
and the stars not dare...

bring forth
a way...
to exist plainly, simply
outside of your love

sheperds take heed
for darkness prevails here in this land
of stagnant beginnings
and endings that live on

dare not
want not
eclipsed heart
eclipsed dreams
sullen mind
sullen mood

dare not
want not...

a stranglehold...



©
2009


image source: vertigo_jessica tremp

in those moments...

in those moments
when you say my name
and look intensely into my eyesand caress the back of my neckshoulders
gently,
lovingly

in those moments
when we laughwhen we slip our hands in each other's back pocket
and we sway our hips side-to-side
playfully, as we look out at what scene lies before us

in those moments
when we breathe a little heavier
when you lace your fingers between mine
when your lips touch, ever so slightlythen pull back with a teasewhen we embrace
and i can feel the beating of our hearts
the warmththe anticipationthe oneness

in those moments
i am alive
i am passionate
i am more myself than ever before
in those moments
that we never want to end

we are...
we are...

immersed,
entwined
in a
beautiful
and
sacred
love

©
2009

image source: moonlove